It's funny how when you are in the thick of something you don't fully understand what is happening at the time. It is only after everything is said and done that one can look back and piece things together.
So here we are in Panama City FL in the middle of winter. Panama City has a paper mill that stinks up the whole Air Force Base about 90 percent of the time. The other blessed 10% is when the wind is blowing the other way. Our yard is all sand and it is impossible to keep sand out of the house.
I can't pin point the exact moment but ofter months (actually years) of constant upheaval something inside of me broke. It was inevitable I guess. No one can hold up under those kinds of constant strains and pressure for years on end without something giving way. On top of walking pneumonia I was having frequent migraines during this time. I started having them off and on when we first moved to the deep South. I always joked that I was allergic to the South since I am and always will be a Pacific Northwestern girl, and that probably isn't too far from the truth. It is, after all, a humid climate which fosters many nasty varieties of mold.
Anyhow, I had this one particular migraine that lasted for three days. I couldn't stand sound, light or touch. I couldn't eat or sleep, I just buried myself under blankets and literally begged God to make it go away. When a person is suffering from this kind of agony all kinds of dark thoughts grow in the mind. Hubby was busy working 16+ hour days but after the third day he finally made an appointment for me to see the Doc. I don't know how I got myself to the base hospital but I did. It was torture. I was wearing dark sunglasses and choking back tears when I was finally seen. When I think back on this particular military doctor I think of him as my angel. He was so compassionate which was something I had not experienced EVER in military doctors before. He conducted the interview and exam with the lights off and spoke to me very quietly. He prescribed some kind of narcotic and explained that if it would help me sleep then my body could have a chance to re-set. He was so right.
I rarely take pain meds...(just hate the way they make me feel) but of course in this instance I was desperate and followed my Doc's orders. I went home and got some much needed and overdue sleep. I woke up the next day rested and pain free....for the time being.
To be continued..
I think this is going to be a story in several parts so please bare with me. And as for a "happy ending"? To put my readers at ease I think I can safely say there is a happy conclusion to this particular chapter.
And just a short note on the state of our Military. I grew up a "military brat" and with the military being a part of my life for almost all of my life thus far, I think that uniquely qualifies me to say this: The military of today is nothing like the military of my youth. With all the cutbacks and draw downs there is just not enough personnel anymore. Our military is comprised of people who are currently over tasked doing the thankless jobs of many and no budget to do it with. My own husband who spent years training to do a specific job now finds himself doing the work of four other people. No wonder why his days are so long. It's not just my husband, it is everyone I know. People are doing the best they can with what they are given to work with... which is not much. Everyone is stressed out and the consequences of this stress start at the top, roll downhill and then spill over onto spouses like me and then finally onto our children. I will not become bitter about the many unfair things that have happened to us on this crazy journey. I will try to focus on my many blessings. I will try to be compassionate to the circumstances of others knowing myself what it is like to be lonely and frustrated.
But this is my story and I feel compelled to share it.
Come back and take this journey with me....it certainly isn't boring.