Okay friends, I know you are probably wondering what is going on, so here is the latest.
I started labor last Wednesday (the day of my last post). I labored for two and a half days and was admitted to the hospital on Friday (my birthday). I was dilated to a 3.5, with baby at zero station and %85 effaced. Sounds hopeful right? Well they sent me home to labor some more which was fine by me but then my body just shut down. I hadn't slept for a couple of days and the continuous contractions just wore me out. So I guess my body decided to take a break for the weekend. I had an appointment on Monday (yesterday) and got my membranes stripped again to see if we could progress further. It was a painful procedure but managed to do the job since I started laboring again about two hours later. I labored all day and most of last night then stopped again about 3:00am this morning.
That brings us to today....my due date. My docs wanted to admit me, so back to the hospital we go. Since yesterday, I have dilated to a four-ish...and I am thinking to myself "Are you kidding me? All that pain for half of a centimeter!?!?"
We decided to go ahead and start Pitocin to give my body a boost. So on the Pitocin I go for 5 hours and NOTHING but more pain and no progression. I had the choice to have them break my water but I decided for a second time to let this little lady come naturally on her own. I am back home again in tears and frustration, running on no sleep, and still contracting up a storm.
I go back on Thursday to re-assess the situation. If things haven't changed, I don't know what my decision will be at that point.
Nothing and I mean NOTHING in the last 40 weeks has gone smoothly. I had envisioned pregnancy to be a special time. I wanted to be able to exercise throughout the pregnancy, I wanted to enjoy all the changes that take place in a woman's body. I wanted to get out and make friends with other pregnant ladies so that we could share our experiences together....and most of all I wanted to have a mid-wife or Douala and have a water birth experience. All those things were taken from me when I became "high-risk". Up until 36 weeks when I was declassified as a high risk, I had no idea just how much stress I was really under.
It has been a super tough journey and I thought I could see the "light at the end of the tunnel" until I realized today that I must have the worst uterus in the world. I am contracting at a level that I can barely breath and yet it is not getting me anywhere.
Now, I suppose I am partially to blame for not accepting induction but I think it is my way of exercising some semblance of control over this frustrating and exhausting situation. Nothing has gone according to plan but I still am holding out hope for a natural birth.
I guess we'll see in a few days how it all turns out. Still trying to hope for the best. ...and yes, I know that the only important result is a healthy baby and perhaps all will be forgotten the first time we see her face. But I have this blog chronicling this experience to remind me NEVER to do this again.
I have been having painful contractions the whole time I have been writing this post so I think I am going to go sit in the tub for awhile.
On a more pleasant parting note: I'll leave you with a photo I took yesterday of the most gorgeous sky.
Wishing this was a different post....but knowing this is life baby!