Tuesday, November 2, 2010

My Uterus SUCKS!!!

Okay friends, I know you are probably wondering what is going on, so here is the latest.
I started labor last Wednesday (the day of my last post). I labored for two and a half days and was admitted to the hospital on Friday (my birthday). I was dilated to a 3.5, with baby at zero station and %85 effaced. Sounds hopeful right? Well they sent me home to labor some more which was fine by me but then my body just shut down. I hadn't slept for a couple of days and the continuous contractions just wore me out. So I guess my body decided to take a break for the weekend. I had an appointment on Monday (yesterday) and got my membranes stripped again to see if we could progress further. It was a painful procedure but managed to do the job since I started laboring again about two hours later. I labored all day and most of last night then stopped again about 3:00am this morning.
That brings us to today....my due date. My docs wanted to admit me, so back to the hospital we go. Since yesterday, I have dilated to a four-ish...and I am thinking to myself "Are you kidding me? All that pain for half of a centimeter!?!?"
We decided to go ahead and start Pitocin to give my body a boost. So on the Pitocin I go for 5 hours and NOTHING but more pain and no progression. I had the choice to have them break my water but I decided for a second time to let this little lady come naturally on her own. I am back home again in tears and frustration, running on no sleep, and still contracting up a storm.
I go back on Thursday to re-assess the situation. If things haven't changed, I don't know what my decision will be at that point.
Nothing and I mean NOTHING in the last 40 weeks has gone smoothly. I had envisioned pregnancy to be a special time. I wanted to be able to exercise throughout the pregnancy, I wanted to enjoy all the changes that take place in a woman's body. I wanted to get out and make friends with other pregnant ladies so that we could share our experiences together....and most of all I wanted to have a mid-wife or Douala and have a water birth experience. All those things were taken from me when I became "high-risk". Up until 36 weeks when I was declassified as a high risk, I had no idea just how much stress I was really under.
It has been a super tough journey and I thought I could see the "light at the end of the tunnel" until I realized today that I must have the worst uterus in the world. I am contracting at a level that I can barely breath and yet it is not getting me anywhere.
Now, I suppose I am partially to blame for not accepting induction but I think it is my way of exercising some semblance of control over this frustrating and exhausting situation. Nothing has gone according to plan but I still am holding out hope for a natural birth.
I guess we'll see in a few days how it all turns out. Still trying to hope for the best. ...and yes, I know that the only important result is a healthy baby and perhaps all will be forgotten the first time we see her face. But I have this blog chronicling this experience to remind me NEVER to do this again.
I have been having painful contractions the whole time I have been writing this post so I think I am going to go sit in the tub for awhile.

On a more pleasant parting note: I'll leave you with a photo I took yesterday of the most gorgeous sky.

Wishing this was a different post....but knowing this is life baby!

28 comments:

Ridgewoman said...

Oh Shoot! On Friday when we were returning on the last leg back from California, I suddenly had strong, strong, thoughts about you; and began praying that you would hang in there no matter what was happening.
I went through the long contraction, being sent home, and all that with my first one. I remember being so angry when I drove home the 65 miles In those days, no one told me pregnant women shouldn't be driving down the road, angry at 65 miles an hour on a 2-lane road from Ellensburg to the old Vantage bridge.
I'm still praying Sherry, and "willing' you to have yet more courage and to press on…make good decisions. What we imagine a thing being like may be so off the mark…so even if you didn't have a 'sharing time' or a 'water birth' ~ in the end…Piccalilli will have her way! Kind of like her Mom ~ eh? love you

PS we'll have a babe in the house come June…
Rebekah just starting nausea stage. And sleeping, sleeping, sleeping.

Maureen said...

You know, at this point, I think it is time to "let go" and take your doctor's advice - even if he/she should recommend a caesarean which is something I know you absolutely do not want.The birth force is a poweful one, and this baby will go through it, but she needs you to be calm now, and strong for her.
I am, with everyone else, keeping you in my thoughts, and hoping every day for good news and baby pictures!

Anonymous said...

Dear sweet Sherry,
hang on to your patience and perseverance--the process seems interminable--but so far that hasn't happened to any woman yet. Sure hope the soak in the tub helped immensely.
A bunch of us tatters think of you very, very often, me included.
Wishing you sweet blessings and calm,
big tatty hugs from Katie V in NC

Lace-lovin' Librarian - Diane said...

Hang in there kiddo! Your health and well-being have been part of my daily prayers. Give Piccadilly a great big hug for me when she decides to maker her grand appearance!

Michelle said...

Please don't blame yourself even a little. This is just how your body works! We are praying for you!

Kathy Niklewicz said...

This has to be SO frustrating for you, and yet you took the time to let us know what is happening.

We're all holding our breath out here!

shannon_in_love said...

i hope your sweetie comes soon...the waiting is really annoying... the unknown... the quiet chaos... soon...soon it will happen.

Imoshen said...

Here's hoping your daughter decides to make her appreance really soon. I'm due a month and a half from now. I go in in a month to find out if I will have to have the baby via c-section. Funny thing is that we don't even know what we are having! LOL
Anyways..loving thoughts and prayers for a healthy labor and delivery for you.

Krystle said...

Sis! Oh I am so sorry! All of my birth memories are flashing back....... squatting really did the job for me---getting everything opened up so she could come down. And being on my hands and knees was my favorite laboring position both times. I delivered my second like that, and the pushing went a lot faster that way.

Come on Picadilly! Come show us your pretty little baby face!

Ladytats said...

Oh Sweety, it is hard when things don't go the way we think they should. and this preg has been especially difficult for you. I will continue to pray and think good thoughts for you that things will progress very soon and Picadilly will be able to look you right in face. I wish I could be there to help you hanging there. I would love to come in and clean your house and do the chores so you can rest. love you dear.

Ladytats said...

P.S. I love the sky in your picture and the wispy clouds, they remind me of feathers.

Miranda said...

You are so tough to be able to go through all of this and still allow yourself a natural birth. I am praying that the labor will be over soon for you, and that your next post will be a photo of Picadilly's adorable little face.

Karen said...

Sherry dear, prayers are still for you three. Piccadilly may be the most prayed for baby in the world with so many of us who care about you and your family! And that's a very good thing. Karen in OR

Jane Eborall said...

Oh dear. When I saw you blogging again I thought it was with the news we're all longing to hear. Next post will be THE one, I hope.

Val said...

almost there, sherry. will keep you and baby in prayers.

Josie Passell said...

You will make the decision that is right for you at the time. I hope your next blog is the one introducing us to your daughter.
best wishes
Josie

Becky said...

I had to have them break my water with all 4 of mine before they'd finally make their appearance (Same thing with our friend's 5 kids)

Marty said...

Good heavens -- from wanting to make an early appearance to not wanting to show up at all. Stubborn baby! She'll go far in life being THAT determined! It can't be easy and I'm sending all good thoughts your way. Just don't name her "Little Stinker" when she does make an appearance, which I hope will be really, really soon.

Anonymous said...

Sorry you're having such a hard time honey. I remember after having my first baby "What the heck is wrong with Grandma that she had seven kids?!" God is kind and gives us a little amnesia awhile after the baby begins to grow up. All my pregnancies were 'no fun' and I always wondered what was wrong with me because I didn't know the 'glow of pregnancy'. In the end it just doesn't matter. Only the end result does and you already know that. All I can tell you is 'time heals' and 'never say never'. You are at the finish line and mere minutes or hours away from finally getting to hold your precious baby. My thoughts and prayers are with you! Now I'm off to find the person who told me "suffering makes you strong" to show them some real suffering! LOL! Just kidding...kind of. Love ya kiddo! Auntie Carole :0)

Karrieann said...

... I feel for you. My first one (ahem.. Krystle) was really tough. After 72 hours of hard labor, finally did the C-section. Then three years later had another baby delivered vaginally. Whatever method your sweetie gets out... I pray for both of you . I found walking to be helpful... not too far from home though! :o)

Hang in there...
(((HUGS)))

Tatskool said...

Hope the bath was heaven,should really help. My daughter gave birth naturally with the help of a long bath session, music and mind control. Come on Picadilly...mum is waiting to see you.

Maggie said...

I am with Marty. I have a sneaking suspicion Miss Picadilly is going to run the show from here on out. I think it might be easier if you go ahead and surrender control to her now as she is one very determined young lady. I can't help but admire her spunk. Hoping this pregnancy is over soon and your daughter is soon in your arms.

Jeanie said...

Sending good thoughts your way. Hope she makes an appearance really, really, really soon :)
Hang in there. (HUGS)

NM Liz said...

Delurking again to say oh darn. Like others, I was really hoping things had finally gone smoothly for you! From my (limited) knowledge though, it can be common to plateau for awhile partially dilated -- but then once things start moving, they move fast. I sure hope that's the case for you.

I would say, try to relax -- but I'm sure you've heard that. :-) It did make the world of difference between my first birth and my second but it's hard to put into practice at the time. I KNEW I should just relax more the first time, but with all the hospital staff and pitocin and timelines (my water broke, putting me on a deadline for a section), it was impossible. The second time I had a fabulous nurse who really helped with the relaxation and everything was so much better.

I will say in my experience, all the birth stuff isn't forgotten when you first see their face.(And my bad birth experience seems a walk in the park compared to your story!) But it fades as you realize it really is just one moment in a long string of amazing moments. Here's hoping your amazing moments start soon! (Sorry for the book -- just a tatter who's just been through this herself...)

yarnplayer said...

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

cre8ivgrl said...

Sherry, You did the right thing.
I can totally sympathize. I'm 37wks today and this is my 2nd child however this pregnancy has been a nightmare.
The first one was pretty damn near perfect until it was actually time to give birth. I had 3 days of contractions trekking between hospital & home only to be told on the 4th day that I had dilated nothing from the prior 3 trips to the hospital. Long story short they finally hospitalized me, broke my water, and then gave me not 1 dose of pitocin but 2. Only to then 12 hours later tell me I needed an emergency c-section because now the baby's heart rate was dropping. All the hours of painful contractions....

Now this pregnancy I developed gestational diabetes. Had a pretty nasty scare last week which has placed me on bed rest (although I'm still working from home) and as of yesterday's weekly Dr's appt - based on small contractions I'm getting here and there- might end up again going through a c-section.

all i ever wanted was a natural child birth process....

Like a saying I heard once goes: "you plan; God(s) decide"

At the end it's not the process but the result so just keep yourself calm and collective and think of that amazing little one that will change your life forever once she makes it here :). I'll keep you in my prayers!

Chiara said...

Sweet Sherry!! every day I look at the update of blogs list to see if there are some good news from you!!
It is so simply to say "don't worry", but it is so difficult to live it really, I know!!
I pray for you!! I will pray for you stronger!! I have no more words to say you, but I will pray with all my heart!! God bless you all!! Hugs!!!

tatkrazy said...

Hi Sherry,

Your pregnancy memories will scatter and blur like the wispy clouds in your beautiful picture. They will be left far behind the second you see her wonderful face.

Love, Heidi
p.s. hope its soon! ;o)