Good news and not so good news....but mostly good news!

Having fun with Daddy
Miss P is growing so fast. She is 3 1/2 months old here.
She is my little blond hair blue eyed cherub. As much as I hate to admit it, I entered this world as a blond and so did hubby for that matter. I am very proud of my dark chocolate locks and I expect Piccadilly won't be blond for long either.
The good news is that my DH is home and will get to stay home for awhile...the bad news is that he is home because he is really sick and will be going through treatment for the next six months before the military reassesses him. That also means that we will be staying in the great state of Idaho for a little longer than expected...(no complaints there!)...and that means once again we do not know what the future holds as far as where we will live and what we will be doing.
It is a bittersweet situation.
Between hubs and baby I am getting no sleep.
I am having migraines everyday and they are making me sick. I think I have had too many head injuries throughout my life...most of them due to my days of being a snowboard bum.....still I would not trade a single one of those days.
Life is extra challenging right now...in fact 2011 is shaping up to be another crummy year already. I always hope things will improve but if I expect them to improve I am afraid I will just suffer more disappointment.
Chronic stress, pain, and illness has been the theme of the last 3-4 years. I am so ready for a change.
More good news is that I am releasing not one but TWO more tatting books this year! Whoo hoo! The patterns are mostly done, it is just a matter of putting it all together.
Cheers,

I gave birth to a grumpy old man….or….The most prayed for baby in the world!

**For the sake of privacy we decided to continue using "Piccadilly" in the public sector**
A couple hours old.


Our birth story.
Mom's Story
I will start where I left off in the last post. Technically I labored with irritable uterus contractions for 6 months but the 9 days leading up to delivery were the hardest of all the contractions as I was in the early and active phases of labor. As previously stated, I declined two attempts of inducement to see if baby would come on her own. So the day after my last post, Wednesday November 3rd, my hubby and I walked for five miles. I thought with baby being at zero station (meaning she couldn’t be any lower without actually starting to come out) dilated to a 4, and nearly completely effaced, that walking all day would do the trick. I had a doctor’s appointment for the next day (Thurs) and was excited to see where all that work had gotten me. They checked my cervix and guess what…..we were exactly where we had left off. I mean NOTHING had budged. You can only imagine my shock and horror!
(Something I forgot to mention in the last post was that baby was sunny side up so I had been back laboring the whole time….hence the extra pain and virtually NO sleep for 9 days). So there I sat in the docs office realizing what I had suspected all along and that was that my uterus did not have what it took to get this kid out. I accepted their third offer of inducement and we checked into labor and delivery on the morning of Thursday November 4th at 10:00am. They put me back on the Pitocin and I back labored for a few hours and still NO change in my cervix. Because of the way baby was oriented my cervix was really posterior facing and that was prohibiting progression. We tried everything to get her to flip around without success. Finally I gave in and said, “O.K. I am ready for you to break my water.” Before doing so, I made my nurses promise to let me labor in as many positions as could be allowed. I was determined not to lie laboring on my back in the bed like so many women end up doing.
We prepared the birthing room with a nice scented candle, low lights and a mix of music I had compiled weeks beforehand. All who entered the room commented on how nice and peaceful it was.
I was informed that induced contractions are exponentially harder than natural contractions and that I might want to change my mind about not wanting an epidural. I said that I understood and would keep an epidural in mind but that I wanted to go as far as possible without one. Once my water broke the contractions kicked into high gear. I was allowed to labor on a birthing ball which was nice…then when they started getting more painful I tried laboring on all fours. That seemed to be the most comfortable (and I laugh at the word “comfortable”) position to be in for my intense back pain. I also tried standing and squatting, and even one lying on my back (super bad idea)…but in the end, I decided that ”all fours” was the most manageable. Hubby was such a trooper with encouraging me and massaging my back and holding my hand.
My contractions never did establish a regular pattern. I would have three strong and long contractions right in a row with no rest in between and then 8 minutes of nothing then another strong contraction with one minute of rest then a contraction that would last 5 full minutes and so on.
If you are a women who has experienced this, I do not even have to begin to describe the pain…so I won’t. But I will just say that when I felt another one coming on I said, “Oh dear God, not again!” and then hubby would say, “You can do it…..just one more.” I never did scream (although I wanted to) but I just got into a pattern of breathing and moaning and crying and wishing I were dead already!
The pain got to the point where I requested an analgesic and they started one right away. When the first one had no effect they tried another one. I could feel the medicine making me a little woozy but it did nothing to even take the edge off the pain, so I finally said, “O.k. I have had enough!!! Give me an epidural NOW!!!!”
And God bless the person who invented the epidural and the man who administered it to me. It took a while to take effect as I had to suffer through several more contractions. Apparently, one of the analgesic drugs they gave me was counter effective to the epidural, and so they had to do some weird jiggity jogging to get things working right. Anyway, I was one tired but happy camper when it finally took effect. Once I was able to relax, my cervix was checked again and I was dilated to an 8-ish. I was so happy to hear that as I felt like I had just been ripped apart and loosely put back together again… I wanted to know that it was for something rather than nothing.
Since I held out so long without the epidural, when it finally set in, it was already time to push. This is when things really got interesting. One of the first things I noticed was how freaking huge my legs had become. They were retaining all the fluid from the I.V.’s that were being administered. So when I was told to hold my legs and push I didn’t recognize my own legs and since I couldn’t feel them it added another dimension to the surrealism of the experience. I felt detached from the lower half of my body.
As soon as I started pushing, I started feeling nauseous. Shortly after, baby’s heart rate dropped and they called in the “Big Daddy” doctors (that is what I call my fetal med docs). I was put on oxygen and started praying that this would not end in C-section. In between pushes I was vomiting, and the oxygen mask made everything even more awkward. A mirror was brought in so that I could see what was happening and it was meant to be encouragement to not give up. I was not really interested in all that though, since I was so intensely trying to focus on pushing effectively and not vomiting. This went on for a while but baby made progress. She seemed to be stuck right at the end and there was talk of getting the vacuum to help her out. My doc said I only had a few more good pushes so I gave it my very best and she finally arrived at 7:01pm. The doctors let me hold her for a second while daddy cut the umbilical cord and then she was whisked away and put on oxygen herself. I was so relieved when I heard her cry her first cry. Daddy spent time overseeing baby while I was getting stitched up. My perineum tore pretty badly (because my baby has such a fat head) and it took about 40 minutes to get stitched up.
While that was going on I was trying to catch glimpses of the creature that gave me such a hard time for 10 months. Daddy and I decided that she was grounded for the first week of life for all the trouble she caused. We placed a small wager on how much she would weigh; Daddy guessed 7 and ½ pounds and I was like “no way possible” since I only gained 13 pounds overall. My guess was 6 pounds something. Daddy was closest; she weighed 7lb5oz. Wow!!! I looked at her in wonderment….how on earth did I push that thing out??
We spent 3 days and 2 nights in the hospital and got zero sleep. I was already running a sleep deficit since I had labored for the previous nine days. But now that I’ve been home for a couple of days, with daddy’s help, I have been able to catch a few Zzzz’s here and there.
Today is Piccadilly’s 5th day of life outside the womb and she is thriving! We are breastfeeding and that is going well. I still have not heard her cry like she did when she first came out. She is a sweet healthy baby and I am ever so grateful. She is a miracle and an answer to all the prayers that were sent up for her around the world. I cry tears of joy every time I think about that. Seriously, it is so humbling to know how many people were pulling for us….and I am so happy to share such a wonderful outcome.
I am still in a fair amount of pain. I can’t sit, laugh, cough or sneeze but I am healing daily and I always have a smile on my face. We fell in love with little miss at first sight and we are enjoying all the funny faces and cooing sounds she makes. My love for my husband has grown so much. He is such a wonderful dad and is always talking about the fun adventures he is going to have with his daughter. I was worried how I would feel towards my pets after becoming a mom to a human but I am happy to report that I don’t love my pets any less than I did before, I just love my daughter more. So Yay for that!
36 weeks of vomiting, Irritable Uterus syndrome, Migraines, Acne, Heartburn from Hades, hyperthyroidism, insufficient cervix, Single Umbilical artery, 3 months of bed rest/light duty, preterm labor, 6 hospital admissions (none of which were self-admitted) and more stress than I have ever undergone in my entire life all equal the most precious thing I have ever laid my eyes on. Now it is our goal and duty to raise a responsible, compassionate, and contributing human being.
And lastly……Hallelujah for not being pregnant anymore!!!!!

Dad's Story
This has been the greatest experience of my life so far! I’m soooo impressed with my wife and couldn’t be happier with my daughter.
This was a very stressful pregnancy due to nausea, heart burn, and preterm labor. We were told by the doctors to expect a very early delivery. After 36 weeks of pregnancy, we walked MILES so baby would show up. Going in and out of the hospital with no baby was frustrating.
On Thursday 4 Nov 2010 I was really excited because I knew we had an appointment and would do anything to leave the hospital with our Piccadilly in the world. The videos we watched in birthing class showed women rocking gently and breathing deeply during labor but our experience was far more painful. I wanted to help Sherry more due to her extreme pain but all I could do was rub her back and encourage her. After the epidural she was more comfortable so the last two hours seemed better. I will never forget the crowning and actual delivery. Baby was gray on arrival and covered with vernix and blood. After her head and one shoulder were free, she popped out with such force the doctor had to catch her. She cried and the nurses suctioned the extra fluid out of her lungs then let mommy hold her. The doctor let me cut the umbilical cord. Finally, they cleaned baby and let me hold her.
We’ve had her at home for a few days now and I’m so proud of mom and baby. They have bonded beautifully and my love for them continues to grow. I can see Piccadilly becoming more alert and getting bigger every day. Her little baby smile melts my heart. I’m so glad we decided to try parenthood and hope Sherry and I will do a great job. I pray Piccadilly lives a long, healthy, and blessed life.
Daddy

My Uterus SUCKS!!!

Okay friends, I know you are probably wondering what is going on, so here is the latest.
I started labor last Wednesday (the day of my last post). I labored for two and a half days and was admitted to the hospital on Friday (my birthday). I was dilated to a 3.5, with baby at zero station and %85 effaced. Sounds hopeful right? Well they sent me home to labor some more which was fine by me but then my body just shut down. I hadn't slept for a couple of days and the continuous contractions just wore me out. So I guess my body decided to take a break for the weekend. I had an appointment on Monday (yesterday) and got my membranes stripped again to see if we could progress further. It was a painful procedure but managed to do the job since I started laboring again about two hours later. I labored all day and most of last night then stopped again about 3:00am this morning.
That brings us to today....my due date. My docs wanted to admit me, so back to the hospital we go. Since yesterday, I have dilated to a four-ish...and I am thinking to myself "Are you kidding me? All that pain for half of a centimeter!?!?"
We decided to go ahead and start Pitocin to give my body a boost. So on the Pitocin I go for 5 hours and NOTHING but more pain and no progression. I had the choice to have them break my water but I decided for a second time to let this little lady come naturally on her own. I am back home again in tears and frustration, running on no sleep, and still contracting up a storm.
I go back on Thursday to re-assess the situation. If things haven't changed, I don't know what my decision will be at that point.
Nothing and I mean NOTHING in the last 40 weeks has gone smoothly. I had envisioned pregnancy to be a special time. I wanted to be able to exercise throughout the pregnancy, I wanted to enjoy all the changes that take place in a woman's body. I wanted to get out and make friends with other pregnant ladies so that we could share our experiences together....and most of all I wanted to have a mid-wife or Douala and have a water birth experience. All those things were taken from me when I became "high-risk". Up until 36 weeks when I was declassified as a high risk, I had no idea just how much stress I was really under.
It has been a super tough journey and I thought I could see the "light at the end of the tunnel" until I realized today that I must have the worst uterus in the world. I am contracting at a level that I can barely breath and yet it is not getting me anywhere.
Now, I suppose I am partially to blame for not accepting induction but I think it is my way of exercising some semblance of control over this frustrating and exhausting situation. Nothing has gone according to plan but I still am holding out hope for a natural birth.
I guess we'll see in a few days how it all turns out. Still trying to hope for the best. ...and yes, I know that the only important result is a healthy baby and perhaps all will be forgotten the first time we see her face. But I have this blog chronicling this experience to remind me NEVER to do this again.
I have been having painful contractions the whole time I have been writing this post so I think I am going to go sit in the tub for awhile.

On a more pleasant parting note: I'll leave you with a photo I took yesterday of the most gorgeous sky.

Wishing this was a different post....but knowing this is life baby!

What is happen'n in the belly???....and a NEW all silk colorway

I have miraculously hit the 39 week mark. That means that Piccadilly is "officially" due next Tuesday Nov 2. I had two awesome weeks in this whole pregnancy and those were weeks 36 to 38, no vomiting, no migraines etc. But this past week has been full of painful non-stop contractions. ...Nothing new for me right? Yes I have had contractions around the clock, ALL THE TIME, day in and day out, every hour for 6 months, but these ones have been different, much stronger, longer and painful. Every day we wonder is today THE day? Because of my history we opted not to rush to the hospital but to wait for other signs of labor...(obviously my contractions cannot be trusted.) I decided to hold out until my next doctors appointment which was yesterday (same day pic was taken). I was appalled and discouraged to find out that I have barely progressed since last week. I mean come on?!?!? What the goob are all these contractions for if they aren't going to do anything?!?!? My level of frustration is out the roof. I cried almost all day yesterday. I am so tired of being in this constant state of labor and getting nowhere. I have been in pain, all day, everyday, not sleeping for the past week. It is like Piccadilly and I are stuck. I am effaced, have begun to dilate, her head is low and in position for her grand entrance and ...tic toc...tic toc....nothing. How anticlimactic is this? Anyhow, the docs offered to induce me today but I declined. There is a 66% chance of ending up in a C-section when labor is induced. That is 2 in 3 births...how horrible are those statistics? I am hoping and praying that she comes before Halloween. My birthday is this Friday, I was born on my biological father's birthday, so how cool would it be if Piccadilly was born on our birthday too?
I guess she will come when she is ready...it is just that this state of painful limbo is extremely tiresome.
On to some good news. My docs are still amazed that we made it this far after all this drama. I completely attribute this miracle to all the prayers that have been sent our way, so thank you all so very much! In spite of all the complications I have been able to gain a total of 13 pounds and baby seems to be close to target for weight and size. I expect the next time you hear from me we will have come through the other side of this adventure with something to show for all this work.

PEARLS
This is the all new silk-only colorway.
HOSTA LEAF
HYDRANGEA
And here are new batches of old favorites.

XOXOXO ~ Hopefully for the next post we will have baby pictures.

Passing the time

Well I am sure it is no surprise that I am back on bed rest. BOOOO!
Anyway I thought I would share a little of what I have been doing.

Diamond Doily in progress. Tatted in size 80 majestic tatting threads.

I fell in love with Jane Eborall's patchwork doily the very first time I saw it. It has been a project that has been in the back of my mind for some time. ...and now that I have a lot of time...there is no time like the present right? Jane has generously shared her diamond pattern as well as some templates to help you design your own pattern.

I am hoping that in the end....probably a year from now...it might look like this.



...and here is my latest belly photo for those who enjoy this sort of thing.

Hospitalized again...

Went into preterm labor for the third time. This time at 31 weeks. Contractions started again pretty intensely this past week. Anyways, my cervix is %75 effaced. With the help of another I.V. and several shots they were able to slow the contractions down again. I took what is called a fetal fribronectin test which can show if I will deliver within the next two weeks and it came back negative....so that is good news. Just hoping to get to 34 weeks...(hopefully beyond) but I have to say I am feeling pretty defeated right now. DH seems to think that I can just will the contractions to stop...if only. I already feel like everything is my fault. It's like one long never-ending nightmare.

Fair Results ...and could I possibly be any crankier?!?!?

Out of seven entries I took 3 First Place ribbons and 3 Second Place ribbons.
Only three out of the seven entries competed against other tatting...everything else competed on a much larger scale. I think the ribbon I am most proud of is the second place ribbon I got for the tatted barnyard scene. That entry competed against a very broad spectrum of "Theme" related items, including things like quilts, cakes etc. The winner in this category is the awesome quilt shown below. I didn't mind in the least taking second place to it.

I took a first for Iris Niebach's TIAS doily which competed in the tatting category, but I took nothing for my original daisy doily design which competed against all doilies of every method of making. I got a first in "miniatures" with my "Prima" butterfly from The Exquisite Collection of Tatted Butterflies. And another first for an original pineapple bookmark design I have been working on...pattern to be released at a later date. I took second place ribbons for both of my tatted necklaces, one competed against all things beaded and one in the wearable tatting accessory category. It came in second to a pair of tatted baby booties.
...and that is that! Overall, I am very pleased.

Now on to my crankiness. Seriously, I have ran the gamut of pregnancy related "issues" and the latest has kept me up for the last five nights in a row. A pregnancy hormone called relaxin is released in one's body which causes joints to spread making way for the "big arrival". Unfortunately, if you have had any previous injuries in your life, the pain of those injuries are "re-lived" during this process. I have broken so many bones in so many places of my body...and experiencing the pain of that all over again and at the same time is excruciating. Here is a short list of bones I have broken: pelvis in two places, tail bone 3 times, back 2 times, leg, foot, fingers and toes.
So yes, I am miss cranky pants! Wanna fight about it? Ughh!! I can't wait until this is over with!

How did the rest of my day go????

So I woke up soooo happy on Thursday right? I had a physical therapy appointment that afternoon as I have been suffering from severe migraines and being pregnant cannot take any medications for it. Anyway, I arrived at my appointment all happy and bragging about my weight gain and telling my therapist how things were looking up...and I kid you not, five minutes into my therapy session I puked in his garbage can. I continued to feel pretty sick for the rest of that day. I went to bed that night at about 8:00pm (I know, pathetic huh?) and then woke up in the middle of the night to drink some water and that gave me the worst heartburn ever so I couldn't go back to sleep. I spent all day yesterday feeling "wrecked" and again had a very violent "throwing up" session. I have no idea what has gone wrong. Last night I didn't sleep well because I had cramps in my tummy, legs and feet. In fact, this morning DH says I woke him in the middle of the night screaming and convulsing (his words). I don't remember that. But I do feel as though I have run a marathon this morning.
I don't feel super awesome today, but I have to say my spirits are still pretty high. I am still enjoying being able to read blogs again at least.
Oh well, I am going to do my best to not let this get me down again. Piccadilly is still doing awesome and that is the most important thing!

I am hoping to get these Tatting Hook Pens listed in my Etsy shop this weekend, along with some more ceramic shuttles and perhaps some new hand dyed thread, all depending upon how I am feeling.
...until next time...

I am happy today....I almost forgot the feeling

Here is another fun belly picture. The flowers had little bugs crawling all over them so they didn't stay on the belly for very long. I am trying to put together nice photos for Piccadilly for when she gets older. Due to the difficulties we have gone through, this is most likely going to be our only pregnancy. So might as well make the best of it and have as much fun as we can.

I woke up in a good mood this morning. That has not happened for months and months on end. Everyday, there has always been something to promptly put me in a bad mood ...but that is not for this post.
Yesterday at my weekly fetal medicine appointment I discovered that Piccadilly is all caught up in growth! She had been about a month behind in size and weight. But, since I have been able to keep food down and have even had a bit of an appetite she has gone through a growth spurt...isn't that fantastic?
I am still on "light duty", no matter how much I beg the docs every week, I am still not allowed to even go for walks yet. Doc says maybe after 32 weeks if everything looks good then I can start doing more activity. Being such an active person this whole pregnancy has been sheer torture. But at least I am not on bed rest anymore...thanks to our merciful God in Heaven!!!

The other thing that has lifted my spirits is that I finally solved my computer problems by making a browser switch over to Firefox. Some of you have gotten comments on your blogs today because of that switch. I am still working my way down the list to catch up on other blogs.
You see, for the last year, visiting blogs has made my computer crash. Sometimes I would get to three blogs before my computer crashed but lately it has taken only one blog to frustrate the goob out of me.
That is why I had nearly given up on reading blogs altogether, it was way too much trouble...oh and plus there was the whole being sick thing too.
Anyway, I have had a lovely morning catching up (still more to go), so I feel like I am "back in the game baby"!
I hope tomorrow is the same....can you imagine two good days in a row?!!?!? It's almost too much to hope for.

I wanted to mention a few more things about the "Barnyard" project. Each element was sewn on with invisible thread, and the background is flannel. Just in case anyone was curious.

Also, I wanted to show a close up of "DIABLO" tatted up. This is what was used to tat the barn. It is hard to tell by the photos but this colorway is actually a variegated red colorway. Three different reds to be exact. It is subtle but definitely adds a layer of interest.

Hoping the rest of my day and yours is great!!!!

Things I am thankful for

I need to write this post to pull myself out of the funk. So many difficult things are going on in my life that I need to focus on some of the positive so here we go.

I am thankful for:
The tatting world. All of you encourage me so much. Many of your comments have brought tears to my eyes. I wish I had the energy to thank each of you personally for how you are a bright spot in my day.
When asked about my modest little tatting shop, I always tell people how lucky I am to have the BEST customers in all the world. Not only are you guys awesome customers but you are all my friends.
I am so thankful for the hospital that I am assigned to, the staff and doctors are top notch. I know I am in good hands!
I am thankful for my husband who is having difficulties of his own..but he makes sure to take leave from work so that he can stay with me in the hospital as much as he can! He has picked up additional duties around the house and has even started making me breakfast and the best sandwiches ever!
I am thankful for all the prayers being offered up on my behalf!
If I were going through this 100 years ago I would probably have lost the baby by now and perhaps even my own life.
I am thankful that I live in America. Even though we don't have perfect health care it is far better than most other countries (no offense to my foreign friends). I could be still living in Korea and I shudder to think of going through all of this there.
I am thankful for family, even though they all live far away they call to check in on me all the time.
I am so thankful for my pets. They are such a source of joy and comfort...all of them in their own ways.
I am thankful for my faith in a God who is much bigger than all of this. I am ashamed to admit that I have been kinda mad at God lately, but He has never let us down and things always turn out for the best in the end.
My heart is broken, I am still very sick but I realize things could be so much worse and truly I am blessed.


As for Picadilly, we are back home and back on bed rest. The doctors have found a combination of medications to quiet the contractions. It was much worse than I even thought. I was hooked up to a monitor for almost two days and I was contracting every minute of every hour. The contractions are not completely gone but they are much much better. My cervix is still short but has not gotten any shorter so that is a positive thing. The doctors have already started the steroid shots to help Picadilly's lungs develop sooner so if she does come early she will have a fighting chance. We are aiming to keep her "cooking" until at least 34 weeks. That is 10 more weeks from now and that would make her 6 weeks early but her chances will be so much greater.

...and guess what?!?!? I have some tatting to show. I wanted to post this several days ago but being in the hospital for preterm labor kinda threw a wrench in the works. So here it is...as sneak peak of a new pattern I have been working on:
"CORAL ROSE" in size 20 silk

I have also listed some new hook pens.

Being on bed rest is the worst so I am trying to occupy myself with what I can.

quick update

...back in the hospital...AGAIN! Seriously, I feel like I am a patient in an episode of HOUSE! A swarm of doctors trying to solve the mystery of why they can't stop my contractions. This is getting old my peeps!
Plus it is hard to type with one hand! (The other one is hooked up to an IV....which also makes it hard to tat.)

Picadilly's Progress

Just a re-cap for anyone who is new to my blog. Picadilly (not real name) is now 23 weeks old in my womb. SHE, so far is healthy. I, on the other hand, have been experiencing the pregnancy from hell. I have been puking sick this whole time, unable to gain weight, experiencing migraines and in general just plain miserable.
But all of that has taken a back seat to the newest complications that have arisen. Last week I was diagnosed with an incompetent cervix and a single umbilical artery (there are supposed to be two) and I have been having regular contractions since 17 weeks. Any one of these conditions alone put me at high risk for a pre-term delivery and wouldn't you know it, I am lucky enough to have a triple whammy!
So they put me on a medication that was supposed to (but did nothing to) stop the contractions but rather, was successful in creating a rash from my neck to my knees. It was so uncomfortable that I couldn't even wear clothes and sleeping was difficult since I couldn't stand anything touching my skin.
I have been on bed rest until yesterday when I went in for a follow up ultrasound on my cervix. While there was a slight improvement in my cervical length (but not enough to breathe a sigh of relief) we have not been able to stop the contractions. They decided to hook me up to the monitors and time my contractions which turned out to be about two minutes apart. That sent me straight over to Labor and Delivery Triage where I spent all day hooked up to machines, getting shots and several other forms of new medication and unpleasant procedures.
To make a long story short, I am currently back home and back on bed rest and bored out of my mind! I am being monitored closely and am trying a new medication to see if that will arrest the contractions. They took my sweet OBGYN away and assigned me full time to the high-risk fetal medicine division and a new team of experts.

I have been so tired and so stressed out for so long that I have nothing left, I am totally spent. I am just taking life day by day with my new focus of trying to keep this baby "cooking" for as long as possible.

Today was supposed to be our first day of vacation. Hubby and I have been waiting so long for time off from our stressfull situation. We were to visit family, have a family baby shower for Picadilly and travel around mountain biking and enjoying the great Pacific Northwest. Obviously, all that is down the drain. I feel so bad for DH...he needs a break so bad and now he is just worrying about us! Of course we are super bummed but we know baby is the most important of all. I am sad that I won't be getting a baby shower...maybe after baby is born...oh well!

On the bright side of things, being high risk such as I am, I get to have an ultrasound every week which means I get to see my little Picadilly. Yesterday she was picking her nose (takes after her daddy) and rubbing her eye as you can see in the photo above.

Where we are at....

The last dozen days have been the most difficult of this pregnancy so far. It started with either food poisoning or stomach flue and progressively got worse. Yesterday I had an IV treatment which has made me feel better than I have in months. "Everyone" said "Oh you'll feel better after 12 weeks", then it was 16, then 20. Well, I am 22 weeks with hyperemesis and have finally accepted that my whole pregnancy will most likely be a difficult one. BUMMER!!! Apparently, I am one of "those" lucky women.
....I know there is going to be a lot of comments with a lot of suggestions. Which trust me, I DO appreciate, however, at 22 weeks I have tried everything and I practically live at the doctors office. Last week alone I had 6 appointment, 3 of which were in one day.

So anyhow, here is where I currently stand. I am 15-20 pounds underweight..(still have not gained a single pound) in spite of the fact that I eat every hour. When I do eat, food feels like it is poisoning me and I can only get a few bites in at a time. So I have to make sure that every bite counts and is full of the most nutrition possible for baby. vomiting and diarrhea are just a part of my everyday experience now. Super fun time folks!

I had my mid-way ultra sound yesterday and it was bittersweet. Genetically and anatomically baby is perfect...whew! But there are problems (obviously) with getting baby all the nutrients she needs which I don't want to go into detail with that publicly. Also, I have been having contractions since week 17. I was concerned about them but everyone kept saying..."Oh they are just Braxton-Hicks and you are just feeling them earlier than most women." So this whole time I have been thinking this was "normal" and since I have been having them for 5 weeks, I have gotten use to them. Come to find out this is NOT normal, there are issues with my cervix and now I am on yet another medication to stop them. Whoo hoo...the fun never stops!
So my goal for the next 4 months or so is to try to get this baby to grow normally and to not have her come out too early. No stress there!
All this on top of everything else that has come crashing down in our lives. Some of which is just too depressing to even put into words. Whatever!
Why doesn't God just strike me down and get it over with??? Seriously!
Day in and day out of pain, misery and diminishing hope does not make for a very jolly soul...so sorry about that one peeps!

...Since I haven't puked yet today and because of the wonderful IV, I have a little more energy than usual, so I am going to seek solace in my studio. Hopefully that will cheer me up!

This and That

I am feeling "marginally" better...(and I guess that is better than nothing right?)
I still throw up every day...but it's less than before. The good news is that, although I have not gained any weight yet, I have gained back what I lost. So that is good. I am officially 5 months into this pregnancy so I am half way there.
Boy..this has been a rough experience so far.
If I exert myself even a little bit I really end up paying for it later. I am just so tired of doing nothing. I take advantage of every little moment that I am feeling decent, so I am accomplishing a little here and there.
I am super happy to report that I got into the studio over the weekend and did some neat things with pottery and glass. All that can be found at my MadMadPotter.Com blog.

One good thing that has come from being an invalid is that my hands (carpel tunnel) have had a chance to rest. I had gotten so use to the daily pain. Now that it has diminished I am so grateful for some pain-free days!

I have been tatting and designing a little bit. I am enjoying the fresh air that Idaho has to offer. I have been wondering exactly who is in my belly...and is my belly button going to be an inny or an outy? Am I going to start feeling good so that I can enjoy being pregnant or am I going to be one of those women who have it rough the whole time? .....Lot's of time to contemplate lots of things.

Yesterday I heard this drip...drip...drip. I look up to see this site. Mojo, who thoroughly destroys all of his toys, had hopped to the floor to pick up this bell, brought it all the way back to the top of his cage, filled it with water from his bath dish, and proceeded to drink from it like a cup. He is a constant source of entertainment.

On another note, I have been chosen for a couple of Etsy treasuries over the weekend and here they are. It is always nice to be included in these things.



As always...doing what I can, when I can, and hoping to be back to myself soon!


...oh and I almost forgot. Occasionally I like to share my photography so here is a free gift to you. It is large enough to save as a desktop photo. Just click on the picture to enlarge and then you can "right click" to save it to your computer...if you so wish!

**** CUSTOM Hook Pens **** Whoo Hoo!

MAKE YOUR VERY OWN HERE.
Since I made my very first Hook Pen I have wanted to do Customized Pens and some of you have even emailed me with suggestions. I had to wait for an order of white pens to arrive (took forever...and they are more expensive than the colored ones...go figure).

I experimented with a custom hook pen/shuttle set for Suneeti pictured above. I created the image on the hook pen from some of my own actual tatting.
Whaddya think?
Anyhow, the possibilities are endless. You can choose your image and your hook size for your very own unique Tatting Hook Pen.


On another note: I got the estimate back from the company who is supposed to recovery data from my damaged hard drive. They quoted $645 and that does not include the brand new hard drive I had to buy to replace the old one....that's another $169.....Oh and that doesn't even guarantee full data recovery.
I'm thinking this is totally OUTRAGEOUS...and there is no way I can afford this expense...especially with Christmas around the corner.
I will need to come to terms with losing everything. 13 years of photos, travel, family, special writings, tatting books in progress (yes I had some more books nearly ready to publish) music...everything.
I am numb just sitting here in a state of shock.
I can't wait for 2009 to be over with...it sure has been one tough year!

My "virtual" house has burned down...

My husband has a job that requires him to "compartmentalize" all the time. Many of you may have to do the same thing. I have never really been good at it. If I am happy everyone knows it and if I am sad, that too is carried with me everywhere I go and in everything I do. I guess I kind of live life with my heart on my sleeve.
Well something happened last week that has required me to practice compartmentalization...(whew that is a BIG word).
In fact I have locked it up, pushed it away and try not to think about it at all. If I start to think about it I will go completely bananas and lose it big time!
I am going to tell you what happened in a clinical manner and without emotion...because that is the only way I will be able to tell it!

When we came back from Korea my computer wasn't working right. I very recently had to do a complete reformatting of my hard disk. No worries though because I am a good girl and I always have a back up. I went to use my back up hard drive last week and it failed too!
Ahem...all my tatting books in progress, patterns, a life time of photos, writings, and not to mention a billion songs that took me two weeks to digitize from all of our music CD's. Oh and let's not forget precious home videos.

O.k. I better stop here, I can feel my chest tightening and the lump rising in my throat.

Shake it off!

Tomorrow I am sending the hard disk away in hopes of some kind of data retrieval but it is not guaranteed and if I am lucky will set me back only $400ish.


In the meantime I am distracting myself with activities.

...like my latest colorway "FAERIES"
(A special thank you to www.selinafenech.com for the use of her beautiful and inspirational artwork.)



For a comprehensive list of all my hand dyed threads click here.

Short lived

O.k. So I am having another "down" day today. I am exhausted and I have had a set back with the pain in my hands. I have been approved to see a neurologist and am just waiting for an opening. Anyhow, I expect there will be many more ups and downs but I feel so supported that I think I can handle it. You guys do know that you are my lifeline right???
...and to all my moms out there, I AM taking your advice. So many good suggestions were given to me and I know many of you have gone through this so I am listening.

This humongous speed bump in my life is driving me MAD I tell you! (Ooops did I type that out loud???)

O.k. O.k, no energy for silliness today.....

I managed to list a couple more Hook Pens. I tell you I have been using them myself and the are really great and so handy, why didn't I think of them before??? LOL!!!

I have been able to catch up a bit on blogs, some of you have gotten comments from me. To be honest, I think that is why my hands hurt so bad today. So many blogs, so little time.
Anyway, if I didn't leave you a comment that doesn't mean that I didn't visit your blog. You know I love you all!


HAPPY GUY FAWKES DAY!!!

Another obstacle to overcome

This is what has been slowing me down for the last 6 weeks. I haven't told anyone about it until now. I guess I was kinda hoping that it would just go away.
What is it? It is yet to be determined, I still have a nerve conduction test to take and a possible MRI of my neck.
Lot's of numbness, pins and needles, burning, aching, inability to grasp and shooting pain. The thing that really bites the big one is that it is both of my hands at the same time. There was a point where it was too painful to brush my teeth and hair or turn a door knob.

Since I got the splints I have seen some improvement though.
My fingers are normally long and slender but they have been swollen for so long that I have forgotten what my knuckles look like. My fingers are big fat sausages now. I wake up several times a night in pain. And of course even typing on the computer is difficult.
I don't know if this has anything to do with the neck injury I received a few months back as there seems to be some connection there. What I really think though is that it is a combination of factors. I have been doing heavy construction for weeks on end and I think my poor hands have just given up. I have been in worse pain but I am not sure I have been much more frustrated than this. I am trying to keep my spirits up, and of course doing what I can to stay busy and productive, but life has been really challenging lately.
One of the worst things is that my house is the messiest it has ever been...and I HATE that.
Taking away the hands of an artist is like taking away the voice of a singer, but I am sure there is a good lesson for me to learn in this somewhere.

I have so many things to be thankful for that I haven't completely fallen into the pity pit...LOL!

Without the splints, tatting is out of the question but with the splints I can tat for short periods of time and that isn't so bad.

I have started sleeping with the splints on and have seen great improvement, but if I take them off for any period of time the whole pain cycle starts over again.

Ah well, if you guys could keep me in your thoughts and prayers I would be most grateful!

0 or 60...

It's seems that I live my life going either 0mph or 60mph. Why can't I just mosey along at 25mph, enjoy the scenery and just get there when I get there?

With moving, unpacking, uncertainty and desperately trying to get my life back into a steady rhythm, I have been going going going. Taking a mini break last week was just wonderful but for some reason, when I got back home and faced all the work that I had left behind, my body just shut down.

Does this ever happen to anyone else out there? It happens to me a couple times a year. When I mean shut down I mean I go to sleep and don't wake up for a day or two. It's very frustrating. That is what happened to me this week and I am still quite exhausted.

Anyhow, my new friend Noreen at Hankering For Yarn did an artist profile on me. I think it is just lovely and was a lot of fun to do. Please go check it out and leave a comment to let her know you stopped by.

I have a LOT of things in the works right now including new tatting patterns etc. So please stay tuned. Once I get settled I will keep this blog updated more frequently.

In the meantime, I dyed a new colorway call "Confetti Sprinkles". I hope you like it.

"CONFETTI SPRINKLES"

GEEZ Louise!

Right then!

I hadn't realized so much time has passed since my last post. My household items FINALLY arrived this past Friday which means I have frantically been trying to unpack and settle in. Why frantically? Would you believe I am expecting family to visit any day now? I am up to my armpits in boxes...(truthfully the pile is actually over my head). Anyhow, I am looking around and I realize being settled in this week is NOT GOING TO HAPPEN; especially with this 105-110 degree heat we are having... and have I failed to mention that I have a terrible case of bronchitis???

OH mercy me!

My hubby is home for a few days and I am sooooo happy to have him. This being apart all the time is killing me. I mean seriously why the heck did I get married in the first place if I never get to see hubby. It's like I have all the responsibilities of being married but none of the privileges..LOL!

Hubs is my best friend in all the world and we have made it 13 years together so I suppose I could hang on a little longer.

I wish I had some tatting to share...but current circumstances have put the stopper on any of my creative activities for awhile.

Even with all of these troubles, I am still so very happy and thankful to be home. I love my home...I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!

I will be even happier when I get settled in and get my pottery studio running. Until then, I apologize for the lack of posties here.